When Dolores Met Sally
by slytherinslut13
Summary: Just a silly little one-shot that I thought up a while ago, then forgot. Pure hilarity, don't try and make this anything serious. You will fail. Rated for swearing. Nothing like the movie 'When Harry Met Sally'.


Sally was really getting fed up with Umbitch constantly turning around to smirk at Harry. It really was unfair… and the woman was evil incarnate.

"I swear, the next time she gloats, I'm going to–" she muttered to Dylan, who was sitting next to her.

"Going to what?" Dylan said, clearly amused.

"Paint the words 'fuck you' on my ass and flash her," Sally said, grinning.

Dylan laughed out loud. "How 'bout you save that for class?"

"This is why I love you!" Sally kissed Dylan's cheek, giggling.

The next day, if you were to look in the lavatory next to the DADA classroom, you would've been met with a very amusing sight. Sally was bending over, her rear exposed, as Dylan carefully applied Sharpie to her rear.

"All right… Done!" Dylan added a final flourish to the exclamation point before capping the marker.

"Show time," Sally said with an evil glint in her eyes as she headed to the classroom.

"Miss Perkins, why have you not started to read Chapter Nineteen?" Umbitch asked about fifteen minutes later.

"Well, you see Professor, I already read it," The Gryffindor replied with a broad smirk.

"Well, then, please read Chapter Twenty," Umbitch said sweetly.

"But, Professor, that would put me at an advantage over my classmates," Sally said, her eyes widening innocently.

"Read the next chapter, Miss Perkins," Umbitch simpered again.

Sally grinned broadly, sharing a look with Dylan. It was time. She stood up, still grinning, turned around, and started unzipping her pants as she walked to the very back of the room. Everyone should enjoy this.

"Miss Perkins, what are you doing?" Umbitch's voice rang out, causing the entire class to look up at them. Sally winked at her classmates before dropping her pants, lifting her robes, and bending over. There was a moment of stunned silence before someone tittered. Then another person snorted. Soon enough, the class was snickering as Sally calmly pulled up her jeans and sat back down.

"Miss Perkins, take this to your Head of House." Umbitch shoved a pink, perfumed note under Sally's nose. Sally smiled once more, then grabbed the note and skipped out of the classroom.

"Why aren't you in class, Miss Perkins?" A silky voice interrupted her skipping.

Sally turned around to see Professor Snape. "Oh, I was looking for Professor McGonagall. Have you seen her, sir?"

"I'll take you to her." Snape said, staring to walk again. Sally hummed and skipped to keep up with him. They ended up in front of a stone gargoyle.

"Education is key." Snape said before the gargoyle could speak. It moved aside to reveal the teachers lounge, with McGonagall sitting in a hard-backed chair, grading some essays. She looked up as they entered, greeting them with a nod.

"Professor McGonagall?" Sally said happily. "I was told to give you this." She offered the older woman the pink note. She read it quickly, her eyebrows pinching closer together as she read.

"What was the unsuitable phrase?" McGonagall finally said. "And where was it?" Snape looked curious despite himself.

"Well, it's more of a show, not a tell…" Sally said, still giggling on the inside.

"What do you- oh." McGonagall started to ask. But she didn't need to go further, for Sally had already dropped her pants again. There was a ringing silence for several moments, where Snape and McGonagall looked at each other, then Sally, then back.

"Who did the art?" Snape finally said. For a moment, Sally, was taken aback- this was not what she had expected- but she would milk it for all it was worth.

"Dylan." Sally chirped.

"He did a very good job." Chocked out McGonagall. Sally thought that she was struggling to not laugh.

"It's okay, Professor. Laugh it up." Sally said, emboldened by her lack of detention.

It probably wasn't for the best when Umbitch walked in midway though McGonagall's laughing fit.

Just so you know I'm not crazy, my dad did this for a colonoscopy. He sharpied the phrase 'What's up, doc?' on his rear for his collogues to read. Fortunately, I got his sense of humor.


End file.
